The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit
Psalm 34:18
We are home after a long week of pure pain and hell. I don't want to go into details yet, tomorrow I will try and put pictures up if my heart allows it to. We got to Ethiopia, picked our son up and for 2 days, saw that he had a mental condition. After the doctor and head Frenchman confirmed this, we all agree the mental brain damage,and we don't know recovery wise, if any. This was not told to me, I was not prepared for a child with special needs for the rest of his life. We had to fly home without him, legally still mine,we are getting him special treatment, and having other doctors review him. So many children, easy to look over all medical. Bryce is 14 months old, but his mind is at a 3 month old, I cry I cry and pray so loud for God to hear me and wonder why us? My agency is flying there to deal with this and other case issues. We will hear more as the days go on. Adoption is not like a dog pound where I can pick another so fast, I love my Bryce, that is who I want but I want him healthy and at 14months like told mentally.
Its been a long week, a lot has happened, as I feel mentally better I will share. But cant really write anything positive but that we are home,our 3 children are safe and waited patiently for us. Was expecting a brother, and I did not have to give them. I look at the crib, his clothes, the paintings on the wall, I don't have my son with me, this is hard, I am at a loss. He had been malnourished for so long, too long, this could be one of the reasons. This could have happened in the womb, the doctors don't know. Hard to watch the seizures,legs stiff, cries of pain, in and out of consciousness all day, spaced staring, banging head,shaking head forever unless you stopped it yourself holding it with your hands,I would kiss him, talk with him, everything I could, nothing would stop him from beating his chest, pulling his hair, the list could go on and on. My heart aches that I had to leave him, our visa 37 was not even there, the agency never told the embassy to keep our 1st adoption case with 2 visas open, so a visa for Bryce was never made, even if he was healthy, I still would not have been able to take him home. Weird how it turned out? Why us God? I have so much to share, so much more to talk about that happened this week on Ethiopia but not the strength yet to write it all.
Pray for us, our family, Bryce, May we all be ok during this time,may we all have peace and resolution.
14 comments:
Leah - you know I share your pain. God has a plans for both you and Bryce, it is just different than what we thought. May God show you what to do!
Leah, I am so sorry for your family. This must be a stressful and heartbreaking time, I can't even imagine. I am praying for your family and for little Bryce. You can call me if you need to talk.
Oh Leah, I am so sorry. There are, of course, no words I can offer that will comfort you. We just have to trust and pray that with medical treatment, Bryce will find his full potential. I know that any child loved by you will grow leaps and bounds while in your arms.
I pray that your faith and family and friends can support you in the meantime, until Bryce is healthy and in your arms.
Leah -I am Joy's sister. Our little family has prayed SO MUCH for you guys this past week. I have cried for you and your family.
Joy said it perfectly, God has plans for you AND for Bryce~it's just not what was originally thought.
We are going to keep praying for you!
My heart is breaking for you. I will keep praying for your family and for Bryce. I'm here for you my dear friend.
Dear Leah, I too have been watching your journey and would like to tell you that I have been praying for Bryce and your family. Often times we think why did God let this happen but we also must remember that God works incredible miracles. He CAN heal Bryce if he choses to. Remember that all these children over there are barely moved around and don't get the affection they need and yet they come to America and blossom in just months to a normal child. I have left you a blog address of a very inspirational family that you might like to find encouragement from. I am sure she would even talk to you if you like.
www.teamalexander.blogspot.com/
Thank you so much for sharing your
story on you blog. You and Bryce will stay in my prayers.
leah,
your family will be in my prayers! i am so sorry!
may God keep you in His perfect peace.
rachel
Leah,
I am so deeply sorry you are going through this. There is a reason for everything, but it's hard to see that in the short-term. I have two children who are developmentally disabled, one is severe, and I can tell you there is no way to know what Bryce's outcome will be. There is no way to know what this experience is here to bring you. I have witnessed and gone through some amazing things with my special kids. Keep hope in your heart...my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Hugs,
Christine
Leah,
I know the pain you are going through. My situation with my first adoption was much different,but in end I didn't bring my little girl home either. The pain can seem unbearable. Like the others have said, there must be a reason. In time,God will show you what his reason is. I will pray for you guys and especially for Bryce. I KNOW how hard it is to leave him behind. To always wonder and worry about him and the care he is receiving.
Sending many hugs and prayers your way.
Leah,
I have a son with Autism. He is now 28 years old now, is non-verbal, has behavior problems and has a related seizure disorder. I know just how difficult it is to find out that the little boy you so longed for, is not the little boy you envisioned he would be. I too have asked, "why me," many times. Please know that you are not alone. There are many mom's and dad's that truly understand what you are going through right now.
My hope for Bryce is that he is provided all the therapy he needs to grow to his fullest potential.
My hope for you and your family is that you find peace in this difficult time.
((((Leah)))) I am so sorry you are having to go through this. In a similar way I know what you are feeling when I was pregnant with Kambrie, I was just expecting a healthy baby. When she was born and we were told we only had a few months with her....I was devastated. I had no idea what God's plan was. That year with her was amazing and hard. She was such a blessing. I have no idea what God has in store for you, but He promises great things. I will pray for peace for you and your family...and ofcourse HOPE. Bryce is a child of God and I will pray for his health and happiness too. You will get through this. XOXO Amanda
Hugs to you Leah as I can only imagine you need them. I pray your family and friends are there for you during this emotional time. I also pray for Bryce. The poor little man has not had a great start in life. I hope that you make the right decisions in regards to his care. With a family these children can become so much.
Leah-
I'm so sorry. You must be torn apart by all the different emotions. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
I'm so sorry... I just saw your request on the blogs. I wasn't aware of your situation at all and hope I haven't added to your pain by not reading the threads thoroughly enough.
My heart is breaking for you.
I look at that little guy in your picture... he looks to me exactly like my little 18 month old son, and it makes me so sad and angry and upset and frustrated that his poor little mind has been so hurt by his circumstances.
WE're also praying that you (and he) will get the situation God intends for you... whether that be recovery or something else.
I'm so so sorry.
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