• When marriage has reached a crisis point, and one spouse has either moved out or is living in a separate room but the other wants desperately to save the marriage...so what happen to my marriage?I still ask myself,wonder,wish I knew the answer:(

I lay here as the sun goes down and with the laughter,loud talking of Aslynn's overpowering personality (wonder where she gets that from lol), asking Makenzie if she is a "princess", Logan playing Anger Birds(I don't understand that game,and I think it's a addiction problem,but a plus for me to as something to take away for behavior :) And of course my lil man Bryce saying "cracker,cracker" while snugged next to me as we snack and attempt to blog from my iPhone!

I will admit,confess,breakdown in tears most of the time at a drop of a time thinking of this past year.
How did it happen? Begin? And why, I wish I truly knew the answers, and maybe overtime I will answer my own questions that eat me daily.

I think meeting Jon at 18,leaving Arizona a few weeks later (yes crazy,no my 2 girls won't follow my high heels)
And trying to leave the bubble/snow globe that my large family created to protect me my whole life,was a rebellious act on my part. Soon to follow,marrying Jon a few months after my 19th birthday.
I will scream out loud NOW..no regrets! Everything I have gone through,dealt with,lived through,etc. Has made me who I am today. I am not the cookie cutter image on a magazine as a lot hope,wish,assume. I have the same problems,battles,issues as anyone else. Promise :)

Leaving my glass slippers (if you know me and my family) at the Arizona border changed my life good and I would use the word bad but let's say it taught me a lot.

I don't know if I ever blogged in the past about how I met Jon, where we went and how 13 years later,4 kids, 3 deployments,file for divorce, he is still my best friend. Despite all the ups and downs; he knows me, I know him inside and out.

After filing for divorce Jon decided to go back into the Army to finish his officer career and "escape" the drama. Don't we all wish we can pick up and just GO? Lol

I was home, alone-even with over 50 family members within a 5 mile ratios., I felt and still feel like a outcast. Nobody stopped by to see how the kids and I were, nobody called, I lost every single friend(atleast they posed as friends,some for 5 yrs some 15). The stigmatism that one gets when you separate from your spouse is a hard pill to swallow :(. You learn who is real,who is family, and judgement along with criticism starts.

I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy the feeling,looks,abandonment from peers,strangers,church goes.

July 2010- I became a single mother of 4 children. It was and still is a daily battle and each day dishes me a new adventure along with challenges that make me question who I am, why it all happen and now the path that lead me here today....as my missing blog chapters slowly unravel!

Deep breath,pause ... Xoxo