Faith,Life,Moving Forward...

If you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, "move from here to there," and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you. (Matthew 17:20)

I got a thought on the way home from dropping KK off at school and decided to set everything aside for a little while and sit down at the actual computer, check emails and blog. I hope to get pictures and my updates up on here, lets see how far I can get.

Life has been rough, I will admit it. 4 kids is not different than 3, I don't see that as a issue, I think that we got hit with a lot more than we thought or bargained for with Bryce and since the arrival of him its been none stop and we are all so worn and beat up mentally.

After Bryce arrived and he had to go into the hospital, coming out and home, we all got scabies! It went away, came back and went through cycles. We had to be treated with 10% Permethrin cream and the oral Ivermin and we still seem to show signs it.
We have been treated a few times at the Mayo Clinic hospital and numerous doctors and specialists due to Intestinal Parasites, Bacteria in the blood,worms,scabies,lice,and my brain is not working I know some other stuff.

We are recovering and taking meds and trying to get up to speed but we cant seem to get over the problems this has caused. Also, African Termites..Nice! And some other bugs from Africa have infested our house and even in bedded into our skin, the doctors are literally pulling BUGS of all kinds OUT of our skin. Hands,feet,arms,legs,fingertips, face etc! Its the weirdest things you would ever see, and our bodies are scared up.

We have infectious disease helping us at the Mayo Clinic and 2 wonderful doctors at the hospital that have taken so much time and care for us, its been nice.

Its a ongoing battle that seems to not have a end yet, we are praying, and its hard, and its a struggle. On top of that, Bryce is not gaining weight, very picky eater, happy as can be, crawls, gets on knees, can stand holding on things, walk in walker, and do a lot of things. I DO think he is OVER 2 years old, I don't think he is 18 months. I DON'T think he will grow fast, or be very tall if he does. He will struggle in life and really have a hard time to catch up if possible.

We will resource all options of course for help and therapy, we CANT now, which everyone emails me about. HE IS CONTAGIOUS, and NOBODY will come near him! New patches show up here and there of all sorts of funky stuff, and than I am his primary person that touches him, so I get it, and it gets passed through the house.

I think the hardest part is that I have to stay away from Makenzie and Logan so they are over the bug and scabies so they can have some sort of normal life and go to school. So washing bedding everyday, washing them, medicine from head to toe, and then I cant hug and hold them, and they cant cuddle up with me. Its very very hard, and than THEY SEE that I can touch and hold the 2 babies and change their diapers bath them and feed them, but not the 2 older?! I can explain to them a million times, but THEY ARE KIDS, and emotions and thoughts still in their little brains. Its heart breaking when your children cry to you about not getting love, attention, etc because of Bryce and his needs. Because Mom is in the hospital again, or the meds have made me so weak.

The kids have been through A LOT with this adoption, I look into their eyes and can see how much they want to give him and I love and cant. And they want him to be apart of our lives closer, but he has limits and he is so fragile. Its a tough spot to be in. My family is not that close so I don't have anyone that comes over, helps,gives me a break, etc. Its been none stop since he arrived. Of course no sitters or nannies want to be around sick people, and if you saw the marks all over us, you would stand 10 feet away. My sister has helped with walking the kids into class and out to the car for me, that has been such a big help. I hate not being able to do it, its so hard to watch them walk away and I drive off to go home clean the whole house again, wash everything again, and start all over again for when I go and get them from school. Its a cycle that feels like a trap. Its so wearing on me mentally physically and emotionally. I am very blessed to have met Joy from our board. She has given me so much support through the phone and email and just prayer. She is amazing, and I hope she is blessed by the Lord is so many ways with her life and family and all she does. Its amazing, I would love and die to have one ounce of the strength she has and the drive she gives to her family,faith,and others. I am so lucky she is in my life.

Now how do you attach and bond and get so tight with a new baby when you are getting sick from him? you are watching you and your family have to be on medicine, go to doctors, get things from him, that YOU exposed them to?! Hard to deal with as a Mom, hard.

I pray and pray WHY, I know I was suppose to go back to Africa and get him, and now all this bad that follows with us. Not only all this but I could write a book of just our lives in general seem to be at a stand point or crash point since his arrival. We pray and know God has direction for us. Answers, and will lead us to where he wants us in life. We hope we can heal, bond, and move forward with our lives and put all this bad,illness,etc behind us and just go back to LIFE and LIVING! This is NOT suppose to be like this, I understand delay, and that he will need help to catch up, that's fine, but to hit me with all these medical issues on top of it, WOW.. blows my mind. I feel like a punching bag, and when doctors know you by name and the pharmacist's and special medicine ordered in for you, the list goes on, IT WEARS YOU OUT.

Just a little of whats going on here, I need to post past things like first day of school, and concert, and other stuff. I need to catch up and have time for me and a moment to think :) thanks for every ones love and support and emails. Its nice to have people out there even though you are not here..literally.

When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears, and rescues them from all their troubles. (Psalm 34:17)